Around this period years back, I had to o through a traumatizing case of Infidelity in my marriage. Making the festive season to always leaves me feeling down, despite all the merriment. I will still recoil in my shell and cry. The cry I mean is not voluntary, It comes from impulse.
My Experience With Infidelity
I have forgiven Joe ever since before he asked, at the time it happened I lost so much weight and was jittery. I had Night mares I will wake up screaming and gasping for air.
I didn’t know I will be affected that way if I ever catch my husband cheating. But I was hit hard. I tell you real hard.
How Did I Feel About The Affair
If you’re lucky, you’ll never have to know what it’s like to be the victim of infidelity. Still, the statistics aren’t promising: About 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in their marriages. If you’ve been the victim of an affair, you know that it hits like a punch to the gut. The many emotions that follow feel like a hailstorm of pain.
Below are what I felt
- Shame: a sense of humiliation, I could not walk the street. I felt unaccomplished and inadequate. I was ashamed that the woman in question knows exactly how my sex life is.
- Emptiness: This is a feeling that has refused to dissipate, I felt so empty. I could fill the a holo in me.
- Possisiveness: I’m not given to been overly protective, I have always told myself that if my husband ever cheats on me, I will bag my things and leave. But atlas that was not to be. I stayed put with a consuming bond and attraction towards Joe. A minute late from work and I am gong hysterical. The image or thought of him with someone else was beyond bearing.
- Annoyance: I was angry at myself for finding out, I was angry at him for leaving the trail and allowing me to discover his affairs.
- Blame: I blamed myself to the last, I said to myself is because of me. I suspected when the affair was starting off. I didn’t confront it, I didn’t complain now is full blown and /i am acting up.
How Did I Find Out
Curse be that day! I wished I never picked up the phone. I have take my spouse phone to send and SMS, when I discovered that he had more SMS from a particular number.
I decided to probe, and atlas is the mistress communications, My husband and she was expecting a baby. A pregnancy close to term and I did not get a wind of it. Damn Queen you have been a fool!
I bounced into the room pulling the covers off him as he slept. He woke up and seeings his phone in my hand just knew that I have found out. the rest was denial and all but It was the worst day of my life.
I pray it remains the only bad day I ever see in my lifetime.
How Did I recover?
I’m yet to fully recover, because just as then today has brought back that feeling. I have taken to writing about it maybe it will help me not to think on it seasonally again and keep me free from such hurt.
- Talked to my spouse. Yes, it’s true he was the cause of my emotional firestorm, but I cannot to move forward until I have had a meaningful discussions with him about what I am going through. Our connections has grown ever since, I don’t talk about as often as any longer but I talked about it today. Joe gets uncomfortable and keeps apologizing but I need no apologies. It can’t be undone i with us forever. I only want him to listen.
- I Didn’t dwell. I had no muscle to discuss it with my friends not even the closest of them. I wrote it first in a book now I am sharing here with you to get it off me for good. I considered to get professional help but I’m not physcho yet so I am not taking that route.
- I Indulged Myself. I Didn’t fight the emotions I was experiencing, I identified them all, understood them and respect that they are normal. Sometimes I will cry out loudly when I am home alone.
- Exercise: I start taking yoga classes online and walked more.
- I read a couple of books on Trauma recovery and Infidelity they were helpful.
Have you dealt with infidelity in your marriage? How did you come out of it? Please share with me. I am also avaliable if you want to talk thank you.
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