How can I survive my spouse’s affair? How did you manage Queen? Multiple questions flooded my inbox after I wrote about my face to face encounter with infedelity in marriage.
There are alot of women even men who has passed through this traumatizing incident. Though like me, They have forgiven their spouse but still holds something back.
That fear of reoccurance, insecurity and inadequency. I have written a ton of letter to these griving spouse. I am completely convinced that a spouse’s unfaithfulness is the most painful experience that can be inflicted in marriage.
I am not an expert in these area, I am more vast in Love making matters than heart matters. I have lost a job, lost money, lost relationships to misunderstandings but when I my husband cheated on me it was a blow. The pain was so strong, I could see it. It was materialized. This is exactly what my readers has shared with me, a spouse’s unfaithfulness is the very worst experience. To be convinced of the devastating impact of infidelity, you only need to go through it once. But I don’t wish that for my worst enemy not that I have any.
The pain in my perspective is less if the person your spouse hooked up with was just a fling and nothing serious.
And yet, more than 50% of all spouses are victims of infidelity, which means that one spouse in most marriages will suffer the greatest marital pain possible at some time during their lifetimes. It’s no wonder that I receive so many letters from these victims of unfaithfulness.
How To Deal With It-Coping with Infidelity
Understand How Affairs Starts
One of the great misconceptions about affairs is that they begin with sex. Affairs do not begin with sex. Falling into bed with a man who is not your husband or a woman who is not your wife is never a sudden, unplanned event. Instead, it is a culminating decision in a long list of terrible, self-centered decisions. Affairs usually begin with an attraction to someone you know fairly well, someone you spend time with each week — your friends or co-workers. If These things happen in your relationship then you should take full stand and resist the devil.
You should suspect an affair beginning when your spouse begins to eliminate intimacy in your marriage. This is not only the intimacy of sex, but the intimacy that comes by dating, by long face-to-face conversations, and by physical affection. The joy fades, the discontentment rises.
If you are unemployed or your spouse suddenly started moving in a new circle of collegues. Not just work, any circle of social community, where your spouse associates with people who are not in your regular social circle. And He doesn’t want to take you along to such meetings. Sooner than later ne of the women their will catch his fancy and he will raise a standard his crush will meet that you can’t meet.
When he has successfully convinced himself that you are not worthy of him. He will start acting trapped. Disgusted at every opportunity he gets.
Constant threat of “I am moving out”, “Infact I’m not eating”, “We should go seperate ways first” when a spouse starts making these threats then he has accepted a strange woman’s green light or is moving thing things up with her.
You should beware!
If you see these signs then you should Nib the bud
Coping with Infidelity, How You End The Affairs
Don;t go off angry and dwelling in self pity. If you notice any of these signs. Take the following steps to end the ungodly affair.
- Prayer ; The pace of prayer can not be overemphasied. Grab your bible and pray for him. Is God who willith the heart of men to do…
- Discuss your fears with him.
- Brush up, Dress up and Show up. Don’t be saddled with house chores, if he is not taking you along take yourself to him. You can visit him at work with the excuse of bringing his meal or something. Let him see you in the presence of other men. This often times re- establishes his desire to hold and protect you from other guys.
- Ensure there’s a communication flow.
Coping with Infidelity, Restoring the Marital Relationship.
Ending an affair after is booming is a hard thing to do. Emotions of two people are twined together. Like in my case I don’t know if I succeeded in ending the affair, or will ever will. A pregnacy ensued that brought forth babies. That may not be the case with yours but if he gives you his word that he has stopped seeing her, trust him and also take measures to see it ends.
In short, it’s hard enough to restore a martial relationship when a lover is finally out of the picture. But it’s impossible when the lover is still hanging around.
Coping with Infidelity, Overcoming Resentment.
I listed how I am able to fight the resentment. Forgiving easy, forgetting doesn’t just go away. Even when you are at will to forget about the incident, The evil demon keeps bringing the thoughts over and over to mind. I advise you read my experience and stay occupied with these books.
This should help but I must confess there’s no model as we are all different but if you want to talk to someone I’m always here. Drop me a mail or comment below and I will respond ASAP
How did you cope? or are you still sour? Leave your comment in the comment box.
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