Learning about a spouse or partner’s sexual infidelity, is difficult to deal with. It comes with a lot of issues. Most especially the hiatus in love. If you are the hurting party, you can be left dazed, betrayed, unworthy. The trauma affects every area of your life. Irrespective of what your day to day activity is like. In my associations with cheated on spouse, the most category of the people who suffer the most are the introverts. They cannot talk to anyone about it not even erring spouse, they recoil and eat up themselves.
At work place and in schools, an aggrieved spouse becomes clumsy at his/her studies or job. This can carry on as long as the hurt stays. Some even go to the extent of getting even either with a real person or an imaginary friend.
If you have been the victim of a sexual affair, then you don’t have to go on suffering yourself. There’ life for you. More so there’s life for the relationship. To pull out of the trauma it will be ideal you understand how an affair begins
If you have recently learned about infidelity in your relationship and are experiencing any degree of the pain and uncertainty described above, the following lists of Do’s and Don’ts may be helpful.
Six Things TO DO If You Are Being Cheated On
Theres’ a life after the pain. You are allowed to grieve but with wisdom.
- Go for tested for STDs. Men and women who engage in sexual infidelity, are often times (90%) cheating with partners who are in other sexual relationships. Cheaters from monogamous are often careless about safer sex. As soon as you learn that your partner has been sexually unfaithful, you should visit your primary care physician, explaining the situation and asking for a full STD screen.
- Know what your legal rights are. Talk with a divorce lawyer, know what your rights are in a potential separation, including financial and property concerns, and parenting issues if there are children. This is not to suggest to separation or divorce. But to be armed with the right informations. If the affair has gone beyond repair, your spouse can ask for a divorce to enable him/her to be with the lover fully.
- Get Emotional Support I discourage talking with extended family and friends about you issues in marriage. Especially matters of these magnitude. At the end of the day he still your spouse and you the wife vice versa. You will forgive him restore the respect but your family will still hold that bad spot for him. And will always remind you of what he did. The emotional support you should seek should be professional, from a counselor, psychiatrist or Pastor. And if you are a christian then you have the holy spirit. Who teaches you all things and comforts you in times of trouble. above all the Holy Spirit. Get help from the master helper. Another healthy way to deal with this is to seek assistance from people who understand what you’re going through — I have encountered these betray, I understand you can talk to me. Whether you decide to remain in the relationship or not, you need (and deserve) care, love, and support, which can only be found by talking about what has happened with compassionate and empathetic others. You should not, however, be vindictive with this. It’s one thing to enlist others for support; it’s quite another to tell your partner’s mother, boss, or best friend about his or her behavior out of spite. And keep in mind, anything you say to your kids cannot ever be taken back, so think twice about badmouthing your fellow parent.(lol)
- Know about sexual compulsivity. It is absolutely normal for someone to have sexual desires that are out of sync with his spouse. Whether the desire surrounds frequency or particular types of play or adventurousness. Our culture seems to standardize the insatiable male and the reluctant female (although this is far from reality!). Sexual intimacy is but one form of closeness in a relationship, and when other types of closeness are enhanced, like emotional connectedness, thoughtful acts, or shared tasks, an environment for sexual closeness may, in fact, be created. But not necessarily. I have worked with couples where all the accompanying ways of being close are present, and both acknowledge it, but still, the desire for frequency, play, or adventure continue to be mismatched. What then?Find a way to discuss honestly with your spouse about his sexual desires and help him be he woman he wants sexually.This educational process helps you to help the cheater not to fall in the other woman’s arms.
- Trust your Gut Feelings and Observations. If you don’t feel safe with your partner, trust your intuition. If you don’t see your partner getting ongoing help with his or her sexual problems – attending therapy or showing steps to end the relationships then don’t trust that things are getting better.
- Brass it All
If you attend therapy session with him, he is going to share deep secrets of how it all began, how far he di go and all sorts of deep secrets. My advice is hear it all and heal at once. The therapist will help you go through these stage. Trust me you are stronger than you think.
Infedelity – What NOT TO DO
- DON’T have unprotected sex with your partner. No matter what a cheater tells you about his or her past sexual activity and/or recent STD tests, you absolutely should not have unprotected sex with that person until you feel confident that he or she has had a full (and clean) STD screen and that he or she has been faithful to you for at least a year.
- No Rash Decisions
DON’T jump into long-term decisions early in the healing process. This includes life-changing decisions such as whether to break-up, move out, file for divorce, leave with the kids, etc. The rule of thumb is no major changes in the first six months of the recovery/healing process.
- DON’T Sex “fix” IT At times of discovery of sexual unfaithfulness, is common to want to throw yourself on your spouse. You become overly protective. While sexual intensity may feel good and intimate in the moment, using sex in this way is actually a form of mutual denial that moves you and your partner away from the process of healing.
- DON’T “get even.” Getting even only feels good for the few moments you’re doing it, and usually it brings disaster in the end. Seeking sex and love to manage hurt and resentment is a very poor choice, and it only makes things worse. And beside you are not going to get even, why because sexual cheating is more than the act is just an emotional connection with another person you are not married to. If you go ahead and get even you are just going to be a tool of sex in the arms of the person you picked.
- DON’T make threats you don’t intend to carry out If you tell your partner that any further cheating will cause you to leave, then you’d better pack your bags and go if/when he or she cheats again. Otherwise, you diminish your credibility. (It’s usually best not to make threats at all.)
- DON’T Blame Yourself. You are as perfect as perfect. You are not the reason for the his actions. So don’t stick your head in the sand and take blame for your partner’s actions. If you have an investment in your relationship, you can’t avoid the hard facts of your partner’s infidelity. Pretending the problem will go away will definitely not make it go away, nor will blaming yourself. Nothing that you did or did not do caused the infidelity. Your partner had a choice. It doesn’t matter how you’ve aged, how much weight you’ve gained or lost, or how involved you are with work (and not him/her). There are many, much healthier ways that your partner could have expressed his or her unhappiness with you and/or aspects of your relationship.
No matter what, relationship infidelity is difficult to deal with. And usually the worst thing you can do is bottle things up and hope they’ll just magically resolve. That just doesn’t work at all. Instead, you should reach out for support, information, and advice. If you’re unsure where to turn, you may want to send me a mail email@example.com
As usual your love life is my utmost pirority. I have used (he) mostly as the cheater and (she) as the victim. It is just for illustrations both men and women find themselves at one time or another in situations like these.
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